Deep Breaths

I went to the Garrett Regional Medical Center emergency room this morning due to level 7 pain in my upper right abdomen. I knew my alt and ast levels were high because the study coordinator called me on Friday and told me and gave me instructions to take milk thistle to get the levels back down. I was also instructed to get medical attention if I developed fever, nausea, diarrhea, or abdominal pain. The pain started yesterday and I pushed off going because I hoped it would just go away. It didn’t so I went this morning. Good news is my liver function levels are only slightly elevated. The doctor was thorough and ordered an ultrasound for tomorrow to make sure my gall bladder is okay or if I have stones. There’s nothing surgically urgent and the milk thistle has done what is needed.

The bad news: while nurse Kela knew what she was doing clinically, she basically shamed me for going through the disability application process. I was born without a thyroid gland so my immune system is naturally limited. Psoriatic arthritis treatments are immunosuppressive which further limits my ability to fight off illness. She went on and on how her husband still works with ulcerative colitis and heart problems while on immunosuppressants. Whoopy-dee-fucking-doo for him. He hasn’t had to miss 3-5 days every single month due to illness BEFORE starting biologics. He probably hasn’t had to negotiate level 6-7 pain just to get out of bed in the morning or he probably wouldn’t still be a mechanic. While UC is very painful and disruptive, as are severe cardiac problems, do not fucking dare shame someone you know nothing about for going through a time consuming, medically invasive process because YOU don’t think this person should need disability because of your husband’s unique situation. YOU have NO fucking clue what the past nearly 2 years has been like. I have missed 50% of my scheduled shifts at a part time position where hours are available seasonally due to illness of some variety. The sad part is, if she had told me her husband was going through the disability process, I would NOT have said anything about some of the people that I know that are still able to work because I have the basic understanding that there are degrees of severity in autoimmune diseases and different treatments do NOT work for everyone. I would not have been a judgmental snot to her about him. I clenched my teeth the entire time instead of shredding this pompous, self-righteous bitch to shreds while she was putting in my IV and drawing blood. People need to understand, especially if they work in the health field, there are different levels of severity in autoimmune diseases and one size absolutely does NOT fit all so don’t shame someone going through an unnecessarily tedious and arduous process to get disability benefits they are qualified for because your husband has been lucky enough to respond treatment and go into remission.